If you ask me, MTV has a lot to answer for. Besides the fact that it’s a “music TV station” that doesn’t play any music videos, I mean. Like giving young, naïve bands the idea that they, too, can be knee-deep in groupies and drugs in a matter of weeks!

I was recently on tour for almost 2 years straight, and, boy, did I see a lot of crap bands that (a) all sounded like whatever was on MTV’s top ten that week, and (b) were totally unprepared for any kind of reality. I can think of one band, for example, who probably hadn’t been together even a year but had a hit single, who came to the show with their in-ear monitors, but no soundman of their own. When the in-ears failed to work like they should have, this band had to quit playing and cut their set short! They simply weren’t seasoned enough to rise above the technical difficulties that are a BUILT-IN part of playing live!

I’ve played in the heat, in the rain, in the snow, with no monitors, with blown monitors, even with monitors on fire! They all suck. But, each time something bad happens, it makes you a better, more seasoned musician.

If you, the bass player reading this, intend to be a serious musician (and by “serious” I don’t mean practicing Jaco’s basslines in your Mom’s attic until you can do them note-for-note), there’s a lot you can do to guarantee yourself a longer and more fulfilling career, or at least give yourself a fighting chance. Remember, this is the age of samplers, and live bassists, sad to say, are feeling a bit disposable! I’m certainly not going to claim that I know everything or even that there’s one right way to act. But I have been out there on the road lately, and I have been paying attention.

I’m sure it’s not news to anybody that we live in a very corporate world nowadays. The words “Rock’n’Roll” And “rebellion” are almost mutually exclusive. If somebody like Jim Morrison or Kieth Moon came down the pike today he’d be seen as a whacked-out image problem, and a big insurance risk. People who use drugs seriously may still be glamorous to the kids who buy the CDs, but they are seen by people in the biz as pathetic losers. So if you’re going to do drugs, for God’s sake LIE about it! Everybody else is!

Tantrums are right out. Singers can get away with getting in a snit, but not you, the bass player. Don’t even think about getting huffy if some drunk pours a beer into your monitor. Nobody cares! The audience doesn’t care. Your bandmates don’t care. And the soundman? He (or she) REALLY doesn’t care. You’re on your own with your angst, and if you insist on throwing fits, well, then, maybe you should switch to guitar.

If you are just starting out and you’re not too sure about your talent yet, remember this: Whoever owns the van, PA or rehearsal space is guaranteed not to be kicked out of the band. Unless you really, really suck, and then maybe you should switch to vocals.

Going on a 2-week tour? Here’s what you should pack: Besides a toothbrush and toothpaste, you’ll need one pair of jeans, two t-shirts, and 14 sets of socks and underwear. Trust me, that’s everything you need. Condoms? Pack them if you want, but I assure you, you won’t be getting any action.

Finally and in all seriousness: If you’re a freelance (some say mercenary, but I prefer the term “free agent”) bassist, your life is relatively simple. In a nutshell, you play other people’s music and they (allegedly) pay you, by the gig or week or recording session. But if you’re a member of a band, it is imperative that YOU MUST KNOW where the money goes. The countryside is LITTERED with the corpses of bands who, no matter how hard they rocked, didn’t know how to deal with financial reality.

Unfortunately for us bassists and drummers, copyright judges and the rest of the world often don’t consider our contributions to be “real” parts of the songs! I know! I can’t believe it either! Many’s the band whose singer/songwriter owns a house, while the rhythm section is working at Blockbuster. So you need to make SURE that you are in on the publishing. If you don’t know what that is, find out. Maybe there’s no money now, but there might be, and you’ll be way better off making a stink with your bandmates today then when there is actual money to fight over!
See you out there, and ROCK ON, fellow bassists!